Dear Diary: Todd Boeckman

Dear Diary,

It wasn’t suppose to happen this way Diary! This year was MY year, the year of The Boeckman. I was going to lead the Buckeyes to the Championship…it was going to be Todd that brought Jimmy T back to glory. They were going to love me for it…even bring me back 20 years from now to dot the I. I paid my dues…I’ve done so much for this university.

Back in 2004 I let Troy Smith use MY cell phone when Coach T took his away from him. Troy told me he’d teach me the finer points of being a quarterback. Nothing I did was ever good enough for Troy. I thought he was being a pal, he told me to tag along in New York City when he was there for the Heisman Ceremony. Great friend right??? Hell no!!! Troy made me drive him around all night as he went from strip club to strip club.

You think he’d hook his boy Todd up with a classy girl or even a lap dance?? NEVER…all I got was a half eaten quarter pounder that one of his skanks threw on the floor and a damn frosty. The stupid S.O.B even made me wear white gloves to touch the trophy. I know for sure my hands are cleaner than some of the places he put that trophy that night!

I WAS FIRST TEAM BIG TEN IN 2007!!! Does anyone care!?!?! F**K No! All they care is about Terrelle Pryor this and Terrelle Pryor that. Watch Terrelle run…he walks on water…look at his fancy earrings. I’ve been QB for two seasons; you think Coach T would hook me up with a ride? Seriously, I WAS FIRST TEAM BIG TEN IN 2007 and I am still riding around in a 1999 Dodge Shadow. While Toilet Paper (my name for Terrelle Pryor…Tee hee), has a damn Corvette. Where is the justice in that…I WAS FIRST TEAM BIG TEN IN 2007!!!!!!

I can’t sleep Diary. I close my eyes and I hear the screams…I hear the boos…they are laughing at me, pointing at me, jeering me. I thought Buckeye fans were passionate and loyal. I walk around campus and am thankful classes haven’t started yet. Need I remind everyone that I’ve thrown for 837 yards against teams from Ohio while throwing for 8 touchdowns and only two interceptions?

Is that good enough for people around here???? Noooo! All they want to talk about is the 3 interceptions against Illinois or how I lost the BCS title game against LSU, and now I’ll have to hear about this latest game.

My mom calls me after the game, I was so happy to hear her voice…but then she started on my case. “Don’t you know the difference between Scarlet red and Cardinal red you moron! You threw the ball right to Rey-Rey. Are you color-blind?!?! Maybe you should go back to kindergarten to learn the colors of the rainbow. ROY-G-BIV Todd!! ROY-G-BIV!!” I tried to tell her that I do have a degree in Family Resource Management but she didn’t want to listen, the pain was too much so I hung up.

Oh Rey-Rey…the other reason I can’t sleep. I close my eyes and there you are…I can’t shake your face…the way you hit… I swear when I saw you running the ball my first instinct was to just fall down. But I knew I had to make an effort even if I did make a number two in my pants as you ran towards me. The play keeps playing over and over in my head like a nightmare.

But Diary, I have to shake it off. This week we have Troy…Smith? That stupid mother…wait no not Troy Smith, the Troy Trojans. Yeah! The real Trojans of the College Football world. I am going to take it all out on them. Better watch out Trojans…Todd is gonna let you have it…Todd is going to take out all his rage on you.

That’s right I WAS FIRST TEAM ALL BIG TEN IN 2007 BITCH!

Boeckman Out

by Brian Sakowski

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About Author

Brian Sakowski is a college football nut. He is a Penn State fan, but loves to talk about college football with anyone and everyone! This blog is the home of the longest running general college football podcast on the internet.